I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
