His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
