I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
