Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
