Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
