there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
