Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
