Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
