i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
