Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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