But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
