i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
