I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
