I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
