We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
