I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
