Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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