I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
