But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.