Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?