I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex