i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.