So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon