then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up