i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar