2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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