So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
