I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
