The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
