But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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