I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
