Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.