So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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