i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.