Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(269): View more from Michigan

After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.

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(269): After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever. http://tfl.nu/nvrl

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(415): View more from California

Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me

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(415): Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me http://tfl.nu/bq34

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(530): View more from California

smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers

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(530): smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers http://tfl.nu/y866

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka

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(423): Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka http://tfl.nu/w8nb

Replies (9) Good night (1270) Bad night (3874)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

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(304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu

Replies (60) Good night (15435) Bad night (2352)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.

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(931): Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame. http://tfl.nu/0khd

Replies (23) Good night (4666) Bad night (1415)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'

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(630): I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..' http://tfl.nu/mj73

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.

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(978): This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke. (1-978): Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting. http://tfl.nu/cqts

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(941): View more from Florida

I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.

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(941): I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh. http://tfl.nu/0uja

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(940): View more from Texas

She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.

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(940): She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/jiew

Replies (9) Good night (2305) Bad night (876)
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(954): View more from Florida

Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.

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(954): Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me. http://tfl.nu/26mx

Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (385)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.

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(515): I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom. http://tfl.nu/zme8

Replies (0) Good night (686) Bad night (496)
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(559): View more from California

I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right

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(559): I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right http://tfl.nu/jxe2

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.

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(306): I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus (1-306): you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now. http://tfl.nu/txg4

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(205): View more from Alabama

I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...

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(205): I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge... http://tfl.nu/he3w

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