evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
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susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...