i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.