you win again, gameday.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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