Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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