Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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