In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
is that a dick in a sweater?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
