Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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