dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
