this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
