i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
