i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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