Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
