The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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