He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
