id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
