i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
