Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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