the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
