I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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