Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
