Non-Jews are for practice
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
