seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I forget how to act sober
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
