I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I stole a fireplace last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
