guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
