no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to fling myself into the sun
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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