I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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