I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
