My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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