I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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