and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
