Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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