conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
