dude i'm inner monologue high
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
