Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
