it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
