WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
