mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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