hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
