I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
