i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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