I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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