Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
