Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This house was built for laser tag.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
