I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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