I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so let's talk penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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