i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
