Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
