I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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