My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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