I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
