I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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