bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
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i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Houston, we have a squirter
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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