I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
