if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
