holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
