Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
