His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
