girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
