from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In America we eat man semen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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