I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
