i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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